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Cunnilingus And Psychiatry Brought Us To This
 
Review on a Blog: More Than Meets the Eye
TRANSFORMERS

The Good
GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING!!!!!!! Excuse my momentary nerdgasm but you would have to be a much bigger hack than Michael Bay to screw up a movie with GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING!!!!! You'd have to be a Paul W. S. Anderson or Uwe Boll caliber hack to ruin this concept. Thankfully neither of those douchebags were at the helm. Transformers delivered the first true mindless/summer action/popcorn flick experience of the summer.

The Bad
What the fuck was that thing that Megatron turned into? Megatron is supposed to be a Walther P 38 U.N.C.L.E with a scope dammit!

The Ugly
The humor was very bad and the Optimus vs Megatron fight was kinda lame.

On the Dramatic Prairie Dog scale Transformers gets:

1408

The Good
Great acting from the two leads (Samuel L. Jackson and John Cusack) and a genuinely creepy vibe gives this flick major points

The Bad
1408 suffers from the same affliction that pretty much every Stephen King adaption does...the movie completely falls apart in the last 15-20 minutes. Its a shame because things were going so well up till then.

The Ugly
John Cusack is old and if John Cusack is old then that means I am old too. This makes me very sad.

On the Dramatic Prairie Dog scale 1408 gets:

LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD

The Good
Bruce Willis still can pull off the action hero gig unlike some of his contemporaries (I'm looking at you Stallone!!). He slips back into the role of John McLane like an old pair of comfy slippers. The MAC Guy didn't suck which he is prone to do in almost every movie he appears in. Maggie Q's hotness is mindboggling.

The Bad
Movies like this really need a good bad guy and sadly Timothy Olyphant's cyber-terrorist is as frightening as a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

The Ugly
I couldn't help but think how much cooler this movie would have been if Sam Jackson had asked back to reprise his character, Zeus Carver, from the last Die Hard film. I can just hear him wising off to the lame bad guy, "Well, you can stick your well-laid plan up your well-laid ass", that is pure gold.

On the Dramatic Prairie Dog scale Live Free or Die Hard gets:

EVAN ALMIGHTY

The Good
I cannot think of one good thing to say about this colossal waste of film.

The Bad
Where to start. Howzabout the fact that this so-called comedy is not funny. Not funny in the least. Nothing more than a single chuckle was elicited from me through the entire painful viewing experience.
And how exactly can a movie that has Steve Carell and Wanda Sykes in it not be funny?

The Ugly
While the written jokes were horrible the crappy site gags reached new levels of suckiness.

Evan Almighty gets no Dramatic Prairie Dogs. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER

The Good
The onscreen Silver Surfer exceeded my expectations; Chris Evans is really good as the Human Torch

The Bad
The rest of the cast is horrible. Jessica Alba is a ridiculously bad actress; Ioan Gruffud is dull, Julian Mcmahon plays Dr. Doom as a cheap, eurotrash lightweight and Michael Chiklis, while nailing the voice and gruff demeanor of the Thing, is 3 feet tall.

The Ugly
Tim Story directs this film like a cheesy sitcom when he should be going for large scale sci-fi adventure.

On the Dramatic Prairie Dog scale Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer gets:
 
Who Am I?
Crazy 40

hmm
- i wonder if i am coming down with something. my stomach is a little upset again. don't go in until 930.
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